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The “Sucker Bowl”: Marinelli’s Review of the “Big Game”

By: Max Marinelli ‘22, Sports Reporter


The Sucker Bowl. That's what everyone's calling the football game that occured in Atlanta

(Google Images)

on Feb. 3. Well, not everyone. Mainly just me. However, if you listened to any sports radio outlet within days of the Super Bowl, you would have heard a multitude of similar negative reviews and names used to refer to the “Big Game.”

This “Big Game” was full of punts, 14 to be exact, with eight consecutive punts to end possessions by Johnny Hekker for the Rams. This “Big Game” was full of records, all of which showed how terrible the game was. This exciting Super Bowl broke records so incredible, including, but not limited to: lowest score, most consecutive punts, fewest touchdowns, and fewest kickoff returns. Plus, I have to mention Brady, as he now basically cements his G.O.A.T. (Greatest of All Time) status forever. Brady now has the most Super Bowl wins of any player in history, tying the Patriots with the Steelers for most Super Bowls played. I hate the guy personally, but at a certain point, as a football fan, one has to admire how long he has been able to preserve this dominance. Unluckily for the rest of the AFC, Brady confirmed that there is a zero-percent chance of his retirement, announcing his goal is to play until age 45. At this point, you may as well expect the Pats to be back in the AFC Championship for the 9th straight time, which would break another record they already hold. If I am going to be honest, I’ll say that you can pretty much expect to see the Patriots back in the Superbowl. I don’t say this because I am a Patriots fan, but because Tom Brady just seemingly is not aging.

This should be the part of the article at which I would normally highlight the most crucial and exciting points of the game and maybe break them down. Yet, in this case, I won’t be doing that, as nothing happened. This year’s Super Bowl was not hyped in the first place, yet millions of Americans still turned on the old TV to watch. These people are now demanding their three hours back. I am, however, going to outline Brandin Cooks’ lowlights from the last two Super Bowls. In last year’s Super Bowl, Super Bowl LII, one of the most-exciting Super Bowls possibly ever, Brandin Cooks played for the Patriots against the Eagles. He needed only one yard to get the first down, setting the Patriots up for a nearly-guaranteed touchdown, which would have changed the whole game. He had a nearly-free first down, yet decided to go for a hurdle, which he was not able to execute and was thrown to the ground for it. Thank you so much, Brandin; the whole city of Philadelphia thanks you! (Insert sarcastic, snarky emoji.) Boston would end up getting the last laugh, though, as Brandin Cooks had two dropped touchdowns in this year’s Super Bowl for the Rams, effectively losing the game for the Rams and handing Tom Brady his sixth ring. In last year’s Super Bowl, Brandin Cooks ended up being knocked out on a vicious hit from Malcolm Jenkins and missed the rest of the game. So, hey, at least Brandin finished this last Super Bowl on the field. Baby steps, Brandin, baby steps.

Though this year’s game was anything but exciting or substantive, and I genuinely feel the NFL is moving in the wrong direction, I suppose we can still hope for a better game next year.

GoPhilly Bonus Feature! Sports Reporter’s Pick:

My go-to outlet for sports information is the radio station, 94.1 WIP, hosted by Ike Reese and Jon Marks. These guys are entertaining and knowledgeable on all things Philly sports. I listen to them every day on my way home from school, and highly recommend tuning in sometime between two and six on Monday through Friday.

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